The Epstein Birthday Book (Transcribed) - Part 2

Sep 12, 2025

Trigger Warning: lewd sexual descriptions

I transcribed the entire 238-page Epstein birthday book “The First 50 years” so that all the letters and handwriting is legible and easy to read, and also so that it can remain a record if the DOJ decides to pull it off the internet.

The Birthday Book contains photos, personal letters from family, friends, and colleagues, poems, drawings, a fake newspaper filled with articles, food, and personal ads, and some pretty damning evidence…

Feel free to share with family and friends, there is no paywall and this article can be accessed by anyone, on Substack or not.

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To Warren [Eisenstein]

Dark as the night, not witty and bright.

As he goes through the halls

People stop and stare.

To see a Jewish boy with duck fuzzy hair.

Your tutor, Jeff Epstein

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GIRLS ON MY BOAT

We picked up girls on beach - went out on Boat. I tell them with knife in my hand to take suits off. But Warren tells Don't worry his name is J.N. he's just joking. He live at so and so, I tell Mark to throw him in into the water, he did

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CASTAWAYS VOL. 1

I was porking some girl in bed and Jeff brings in the maid to make bed. She left screaming and never came back.

We're both in bed porking some girls. I said what do you think, while he's shoving penicllum [sp] down my throat.

I went the whole day without speaking English, Jeff told everybody I was raised on a boat in Brazil, when I come out of the bathroom brushing my teeth and spit the foam on the floor, Jeff says that's how they do it in Brazil.

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CONCORD HOTEL

Jewish Singles Weekend

Sit us down at table with ugly girls and I told them Don't you have any pretty one's [sic]

We get in Room Jack says Don't touch my hair, you dump water right on his head then we set room on fire.

Throwing food in Dining Room, no one would serve us - so they put us by kitchen

Gave us all our money back and told us to leave and never come back

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[DUPLICATE OF PAGE 59]

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[REDACTED] and [REDACTED]

Two very young girls probable [sic] just 17 and were riding in my fathers [sic] caddy, Park Ave top down smooching it up in car. Drop dead laughing

OCEAN REEF TRIP

Start off you get speeding ticket, your [sic] with [REDACTED] and her mother,s [sic] looking at me like I'm a box of candy and shoving food the whole time down my mouth. The boat ride in [REDACTED] Birthday Present Boat

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[REDACTED] THE RABBI,S [sic] DAUGHTER

Jeff would call the house Rabbis [illegible] and say this is [REDACTED] father.

I would bring her up to your mothers [sic] house and make her take her top off so we could touch her boobs.

Her and [REDACTED] would play together with toys

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JOHNNY BOY KAFKA

5917 GLENDORA AVE.

DALLAS, TEXAS 75230

214 987 3595

January 15, 2003

Dallas, Texas

Dearest Jeff:

Fifty years old. You really have had a pretty amazing life. Amazing because of where and when it started. Paula and Seymour fucking. Who was there to tell him where to stick it? Who told him to spit on her cunt and make it wet? Maybe they had more on the ball than we all gave them credit for.

Anyway from that night back in May of 1953, as they lay there intoxicated from their lovemaking, little did they know what they would be bringing into the world early the next year. Let's fast forward to you. I remember summers when Warren would always work some shit ass job (Nathan's) for minimum wage, I would always find something (Male Ego in Brighten [sic] Beach) and Frog would too (Cabana Boy). But you, Jeff would never work. Yes, you were special. You did things like music camps in Michigan, etc. Which brings me to when you lost your virginity. You may not remember, but I was under the same roof that (could) new years eve in '66 or '67 (not sure). The first time I ever flew was with you. I went with you to Michigan to visit your friend [REDACTED], the Interlochen girl for new years eve. It was also the first time I had ever laid eyes on a bright, attractive, bubbly, blue eyed, mid western [sic] female. She was like an alien to me. She wasn't Jewish or Italian. Wasn't she your first? My first was up in Monticello, where I spent part of the summer with Lloyd and Andy working at Playland Arcade in Monticello. It was Lloyd's girlfriend. Anyway, back to the Michigan trip, because it was significant. Jeff, you took me with you. It was my first time out of Brooklyn. It was no big deal, but we went. And nobody else ever WENT anywhere back when and where we came from.

And then on to Europe. The second time I ever flew. Sabena Airlines to Brussels. Wasn't it $800 RT. [sic] In Europe, I really saw a true transformation in you. You lost all of your clubbiness and I remember noticing that you grew a few inches. We both got absolutely skinny in those weeks abroad. I will always remember how you were constantly working the train schedules--riding by night so [we] would have a free place to sleep and arriving to our destinations in the morning ready to hit the sites. We'd drink in all that the cities had to offer on a budget of $2 a day. Author Frommer's EUROPE ON $5 A DAY was for suckers. We did it cheaper, deeper, wider and better. We saw and learned so much on that memorable trip. We hitch hiked, we biked, we trained, we ferried, we walked, we ran, we always somehow managed to get where we wanted to go and see what we wanted to see. We slept on trains, boats, beaches, abandoned houses, flop houses, people's homes, friend's apts. Everywhere but hotels and hostels. We were too savvy to stay in a youth hostel--weren't we? Hell I can't even remember us having a sit down meal on that trip. We couldn't care less about food. But we did enjoy all that cheese and bread and train station soup. Remember our first night in Europe. [sic] It was probably our worst. But we did steal two heavy, itchy blankets from that youth hostel. It was freezing and wet. But things went way up from there. Especially the time I had a wet dream sleeping in my seat on the ferry from Brendizi [sic] (or Bari?) to Corfu. Did I share that with you? Remember the Corfu police detained me on arrival to the island? We had some scary moments. That's what made it such a great experience. We stayed on Corfu for 2 weeks or so. Never got to London because of that. Corfu was great on the budget and I remember it being great sleeping on the beach with kids from all over the world--Matt and [REDACTED] too and those two girls from Cleveland.

That trip to Europe could get more space but the main point is that it really opened your eyes to another world. And mine too. But you Jeff seized it. I did too in a sense. But you spent the next summer in London and came home with a beautiful British babe named [REDACTED]. You had such chuzpah [sic] to

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bring her to your beautiful, civilized, impressive home on Maple Ave. Think back on that now. That shows a lot. It really does. You didn't give a shit about what she thought. And she couldn't have been too impressed. You were seriously easy going--never up tight. Never worried, always confident. That aspect of your personality, of course coupled with your brilliance and intellect is what made you who and what you are today. That don't give a shit attitude, your calculated aloofness, your sense of humor and most importantly that confidence came to you early on. You had to have confidence and an I don't give a shit attitude to bring [REDACTED] into your Sea Gate world. It worked! You began to realize that you could get away with shit! That chicks and people in general were schmucks! You sensed that you were sharper and more astute than most.

Especially the ones who had women, money, position and power. Yes, your charisma and persuasive ways came very early on. And you didn't learn life's lessons in your house. You learned them from us (me, frog, WE) from Europe, Interlochen, our trips to the city and all the people you met along the way. Maybe you picked up a little from Timmy, too. Remember meeting Phillie? He's 16. He said he'll always remember how you said that Timmy taught you a lot about business. I know you enhanced that a bit, but that was a great thing to say to a kid, and I'll never forget it either. Warren and Phillie are crazy about each other and the kid is obviously enamoured [sic] by you and loved meeting you. It meant a lot to him and me. He's really a great kid--has that easy going, confident manner. Good looking kid.

So now you're fifty. No sweat Jeff. You look great, you're probably in the best shape of your life and you're not slowing down one bit. If no one told you how old you were--wouldn't you think you were 36 or something? Just don't get bored and stay healthy.

And then there's Warren. He's as hilarious as ever and exactly the same as he was 35 yrs. Ago with his trench coat and his business man's boots. BACK THEN! We see each other pretty often. When can Warran and I get together w/ you for at least an evening and just get Warren started, you know the way we used to. Maybe we need to include Zucca as a prop for Warren.

If you look at our little group of you, Warren, Frog, and me. We were very close, although we never said or knew it back then. We didn't have girlfriends, we never even dated. We didn't look at our families really for anything, but we had each other. That was through high school. Then when we went to college we were still close but we began go [sic] branch out from the group. We had great times and I'm convinced and I know this as a fact: You guys made me what I became today and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. So Jeff, even though we don't speak that often, and our lives don't intersect, you really are a part of me and I will always be grateful for the times we had. You have been and still are a great influence for me. You don't know it, but you're my kid's role model. That's why it's so satisfying to recall the past with you. It has shaped both of us. When Warren and I get together, who and what do you think we talk about? You, You, You, You, it's constant--I can't stand it anymore.

That's it for now. I know I got a bit sentimental, but it's the occasion. Take good care. I'll always have the fondest memories of our past and I can honestly say they were the best years of my life--even though I couldn't ever get laid.

Eternally and with love,

Johnny Boy

[Terry Kafka]

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January 2003

Dear Jeff

I'm supposed to write something funny--well I can't think of just a single episode but rather many years of great times, Sea Gate, Coney Island, Mark Twain, 188 Lafayette H.S.--our trips to Greenwich Village, sneaking into the Gillmore East, driving taxi cabs, Max's Kansas City, wearing my green Army fatigue jacket (that "Uncle Stanley" gave me) and "liberating books from the book store on 6th Ave and 8th Street (next to Prexy's--"Home of the Educated Hamburger"). Stories about chronic UTIs; prostate massage, orgies; ice skating in Prospect Park with Terry and me and Warren with scarves on our head so we could skate during "couples only" music; (lake) lights on center ice; bike riding in the middle of the night during allergy season; Herb Alpert records like "Whipped Cream" (and Jacques Loussier plays Bach!), Paula Seymour, Puggy, "(Chowmer Greenkey)", Harold Sokol, Maple Avenue, getting stopped in Warren's gold VW beetle, the "shed house" and big scarves with huge stripes, bikini underwear, no underwear, the Shore Theatre; the Huba Buba [sic] Luncheonette, Carolina's, the Riviera (and the [illegible] Family Pizza Place), Cooper Union, your visit to Italy (Via (Pandoliffini), 27!) Firenze, your accordion (and the infamous Flight of the Bumble Bee), Brighton Beach Baths--Terry, Warren, Me and now you 50 years old! Wow! Happy Birthday--Best wishes

Love always,

Michael [Buchholtz]

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SCOTT EHRLICH is good in math. Fame will one day cross his path
WARREN EISENSTEIN--"I didn't do it!" is his alibi. "It was me that talked. It wasn't I."
STEPHEN GARONE--In art he paints. In English he faints.
HOWARD GLANTZMAN--He's the noise in the back of the room, talking from September to June
PAUL KAMINSKY--Paul is a genius but never shows it; we wonder if he really knows it.
CAREY KOPLOWITZ--There are happy people; there are sad people; there are good people; there are bad people; then there's Carey
MARK LIPTON--Our captain brave and strong. How come he always leads us wrong?
JOEL MANDELMAN--At home, he says he often strains. Why, then, at home leaves he his brains?
ELLIOT RAINES--ask about baseball, he'll answer quickly. Ask about science, he'll answer thickly.
STEPHEN SCHWARTZ--Chubby and jolly, a great guy, but golly!
BETTY BRODSKY--never remembers, always forgets; she'll lose anything she didn't lose yet
SHARON BROYDE--Sharon's motto will be forever "it's always better late--than never
CHERYL GREENPAN--If you need someone to brighten your way, Cheryl will do it by laughing all day.
ELLEN KATZ--Ellen is long and lanky. She studies with no hanky panky.
DEBRA NESSEL--Debbie is full of joy. Only when she's with a boy.
GALE REIF: Gale will be a strong secretary and you may as well clap, for she'll wind up sitting on her boss's lap.
ENID ROSEMAN--They didn't come sweeter. No one can beat 'er.
AUDREY ROTH--There are geese in flocks and cattle in herds. There is Audrey, who talks in great big words.
BARBARA SCHWARTZ--Shy and gentle, nice and sweet. The kind of girl we'd like to meet.
MERRIL SINGER--There are as many freckles on her face as there are holes in Chantilly lace.
SANDRA STEIGMAN--For Sandra there is no excuse, some day she'll learn the truth about Zeus.
MELODY STERN--Melody is always the center of attraction; without her around there'd never be action.
KATHLEEN SUTER--Rumpelstiltskin never spun a gold as lovely as this one.
JUDITH TLUMAK--Shy and quiet in her seat, doesn't Judy look just sweet!
MRS. SCHARFSTEIN--A little laugh, a little cheer, a lot of work--Mrs. Scharfstein's here!

Susan Jacobs
Janie Simpson
Debra Sonnenblick
Roger E. Schecter
Iris Hershenson
Allen Jeffrey Sheinman
Leonard Klein
Lena Troisl
Mr. D. Gittler
Sydell Suss
Lynn Erdy
Ian Cohen
Arnold Hom
Lee Barsky
Mark Schumer
Richard Girard
Howard Richman
Jill Notowitz
Barbara Laufer
Joanne Morano
Debbie Tiktinsky
Robin Mazer
Robert Rosenbaum
Gary Onik
Bernard Markowitz
Juanita Ellen Stokes
William Clements
Janine Luby
Howard Tobak
Brautte Belinsky

Adieu, Adios, Auf Wiedersehen...

Till we meet again—Farewell, Mark Twain

Come out of your coma and get a diploma--like we did...

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There has been consistent and remarkable progress in all fields. Jeffrey's English has (improved) with some words coming out with an Oxford English inflexion--proximity with royalty perhaps. Foreign languages have significantly improved with special (progress) being made in Swedish, Russian, and currently Portuguese. French is also coming along. Recognition in the field of science is also forthcoming--the Epstein Institute at Harvard. In health education it can be said that Jeffrey has [illegible] mastered the final term. Kissing however still remains a weak point. He (remains) the most talented man in the world.

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My wedding! May 30th 1988 at the Water Club, N.Y.C. The "empty" yarmulke represents Terry who could not attend (he was in Spain--I met him there a few days later on my honeymoon!!

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Dr. Stephen Levy

6 Leroy Court

Commack, New York 11725

(631) 543-4783 Fax: (631) 543-4697 Cell: (516) 316-2302 email: slevy@pipeline.com

December, 2002

Jeffrey

You could never imagine the surprise I felt when Ghislaine first contacted me about writing something for your memory book.

Over the years I have thought of Class 5-3 & 6-3, numerous times with affection and really fond memories. After all, you guys were my second class EVER and I had just transferred from my first job, which was in, of all places, Fort Apache, The Bronx! Imagine, coming from a class of hold-overs, delinquents, and worse, to a class of "Intellectually Gifted Children." Believe me, it was quite a chore just to keep one step ahead of that class.

One day, about 2 weeks ago, I was on the Northern State Parkway on my way home, creeping along at 5 miles an hour, in the midst of a snowstorm, when my cell phone rang. I spent the next 15 minutes or so reliving the past with Warren, who was calling from sunny Dallas, Texas. As we talked and he mentioned students' names, most of the faces flashed before my eyes. I even told him...Jeffrey, saxophone, Michael, clarinet, Warren, saxophone, and so on for most of the class. He later sent me a picture of the class and there I was, much thinner, with black horn-rimmed glasses and a full head of dark brown hair. There you were, just as I remembered you, with a Mona Lisa smile that hid what was really going on in that interesting brain of yours. Who could have guessed the wonderful, fascinating things that were in store for you?

I remember discussing Abraham Lincoln with the class and staring in wonder at the student who had read all of Sandberg's Life of Lincoln and spouted facts of which I was totally unaware. I also remember my math (never my strong suit) being corrected from time to time, very respectfully, by Jeffrey. I also remember the Coney Island Cleanup Parade and performing onstage at Lafayette and blowing away the audience who had just listened to a Junior High orchestra.

I have many awards and plaques on my office walls, at home and at work...too many for any one place, but for all these years I still treasure and display the gold painted, wooden plaque that I received from your class for being the "Best Teacher."

I'm thrilled and delighted that you still remember me and that in some small way I may have made a difference and touched your life. Happy Birthday!

In 1963, you were around 10 and I was 23....twice as old as you. Today you are 50 and I'm 65....somehow you're catching up! How did that happen?

Steve

Dr. Stephen Levy, Principal, General Studies

Hebrew Academy of Nassau County (HANC), West Hempstead Campus

President, PDK, Columbia University

Member, Children's Scholarship Fund National Teachers Advisory Board

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GIRLFRIENDS

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Dearest Jeffrey,

If I were to list my life time [sic] achievements, surely scoring higher than you on the nineth [sic] grade algebra regent would rank in the top ten. I'll never forget the exhilaration of considering myself smarter than Jeffrey Epstein in math. That same year, you not only performed mathematical magic by tutoring me to get a perfect score on the regent, you thrilled our class in music by playing "California Dreaming" on the piano, and thrilled me even more by stealing a kiss after "The Sound of Music" at Radio City Music Hall.

When we met again some time after college, you had shoulder length curls, wore wonderful hand-embroidered denim work shirts and tight jeans, and drove a brown Camaro with a glove compartment full of parking tickets. Needless to say, you had outgrown your shyness around girls and even confessed that you participated in peace marches because they were the easiest places to get laid. A truly unique perspective on political activism in the 70's [sic].

A few years later during a trip to Palm Beach, we were driving around admiring the homes when you pointed in the direction of a particularly impressive mansion and said, "One day I'm going to own that." I smiled and considered your comment nothing more than wishful thinking. Many mansions later, you have shown me the importance of having a vision and the determination to pursue it. A lesson I continue to rely upon for inspiration.

From lessons in algebra to lessons in life, the lessons I've learned from you during the past 35 years haven't always been easy or even ones that I would have chosen to learn, but they were always important. I'm very grateful to have you for a friend and hope that if you ever need help solving a rate/time/distance problem, you won't hesitate to call.

All my love, [REDACTED]

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To [REDACTED]

As she goes through the hall, people stop and stare

To see such a pretty girl with long golden hair.

Love, Jeffrey Epstein

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To Jeff's Woman,

Roses are Red

Violets are blue

Your hair is like gold

I wish mine were too

(I'd hate to see what I'd look like)

Yours darkly, Warren Eisenstein

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This album was specially designed and hand-bound for you by WEITZ-COLEMAN using only the finest calf and Moroccan skins which are individually selected and vegetable tanned for bookbinding. Variations in color and surface markings are natural characteristics of fine leather and are your assurance of its quality. The buttery softness of calfskin give it great tactile appeal and lends itself to easy scuffing which develops into an exquisite antique patina. We recommend that the binding be treated with lanolin and neatsfoot oil at least once a year. You may bring in your WEITZ-COLEMAN binding for a complimentary treatment.

SIMPLY THE FINEST BOOKBINDING - ESTABLISHED 1909

WEITZ & COLEMAN - 1377 LEXINGTON AVENUE, NEW YORK, N.Y. 10128

(212) 831-2213

www.weitzcoleman.com

www.albumsalbumsalbums.com

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[DUPLICATE SHEET MUSIC]

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Of all the works composed or planned or published in this period, one stands out for both its fame and its substance: The Piano Sonata in C minor, Op13, called by Beethoven himself the Pathétique and published by Hoffmeister of Vienna in December 1799 with a dedication to Prince Karl Lichnowsky. The Allgemeine Musikalische Zeitung (19 February 1800) praised it in high terms. Modelled in its formal outline on ideas first tried out in one of the early Electoral Sonatas of 1783, it more than any other of Beethoven’s works up to this time seemed to herald the dawn of the new century. From its dramatic opening grave chords, through its searchingly expressive, emotional Adagio to the nervous intensity and defiance of the final Allegro, the Pathétique was a burial of the past, a celebration of the future.

The years of apprenticeship were over, Beethoven had finally arrived.

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[DUPLICATE SHEET MUSIC]

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